And How Much
13 October 2018
09.09 pm
and how much
and how much do I trust in god
and how much to in trust in god
and how much do you trust in god
in the good lord
in the sword
in the white knight
the left over saint that left the yard
the pick of the litter
the second hand store that calls you back
to look at the album you used to have in high school
the girlfriend you left
the boy who called but you were too afraid to answer
and how much does it cost
to let things unfold as they will
and how much do you take before you walk away
and how much is enough
of the same thing
and how much can you eat
tonight
in one sitting
and how much time does it take to list all your resentments
now
and how will you do
when you are asked if you trust
and what would you do differently if you did indeed trust in god
and what would you say if you stopped before you wrote
before you spoke
and what would you do to lower your heart rate
and why are you so worried
and what would you say if I asked you
do you trust in something
in the process
the journey
the path
the beat
your friends
your lover
your mother
and how much does it cost to pretend
and how much does it cost you to keep being afraid
to do that
and how much does weigh
and how much does it weigh when you try and accurately access the
value you put into your thoughts that drive you, the preconceptions
that stimulate the next thought, the train car, the next one, the
champion of all ideas that drives you to tell another story that
you have repeated since the 70’s
and how much do you care
when I ask
were you honest
when you last spoke to your brother
your mother
your friend
your father
your doorman
your clerk
your next door neighbor
and did you sleep well last night
and what was causing your to wake beyond having to pee
did you toss and turn
did you learn a new lesson
did you ask for help
did you sigh, pause, breathe, exhaust, let it out the way you once
did before when you remember your first sexual encounter
and what was happening when the police came that time
did your heart beat faster, did you pause, did you act in good faith to honor your word.
And how much did it cost
Well it was years of work that cannot seem to be quantified,
qualified, justified, self analyzed, catastrophized, and I know
I made up that word probably.
But how much did it cost anyway
And how do you put a cost on any of this
What is the value, the currency, the exchange of goods and services?
And can you tell if you know better
Ever
About anything
Especially since you began this very spectacular magical mystery tour.